When Clowns Attack: A Guide to the Scariest People on Earth by Chuck Sambuchino

This was a very quick, entertaining read. But readers beware, the content should not be treated lightly, this is a very serious survival guide that should be kept on your person at all time. "When Clowns Attack" by Chuck Sambuchino is a how-to book that will help any and everyone aiming to steer clear of the Clown Cartel. This handy guide is broken down into 4 major chapters.

1.) ASSESS, in the opening chapter the reader will learn why clowns frighten people, also this chapter touches briefly on the mental instability of the clown.

2.) ANALYZE, here the reader will discover the many types of clown, their trademarks and how to avoid if needed. The reader will also learn about Clown anatomy and the communication and lingo.

3.) DEFEND, in the chapter the readers will learn how to Defend against a single Clown or a posse. Their methods of attack and their weapons of choice. This is by far the most important chapter in "When Clowns Attack."

4.) PROTECT, this is the final chapter that will ultimately help spare you the burden of being rolled by a Clown or even a posse. How to spot "Plain Clothes Clowns" and telltale signs that a friend, neighbor or even family member is in fact a Clown.

Below I would like to share some of my favorite and most though provoking quote from this survival guide, as follows:

"Clowns seem impervious to pain or injury. Clowns get hit on the head with a mallet, attacked down the pants with fire extinguishers, and slammed in the face with countless pies in metal tins, only to remain...perfectly functional. This isn't slapstick humor; it's borderline superpowers.But since there's no such thing as superpowers , we must naturally assume this comes from ingesting PCP, a narcotic known to dull the nerves an cause users to feel no sensation, even when breaking a bone" [Chapter 1: ASSESS, Page 9]


"WHITE SHOES are worn only by clown godfathers. The white shoe was first introduced by the clownfather Gondola in the 1970's in Philadelphia; the symbolism was that his shoes were always immaculate because "nothing could touch him." [Chapter 2: ANALYZE, Page 49]


"OVERSIZE MALLET: Self-explanatory. One direct blow to your dome, and your clown-fighting days are over. [Chapter 3: DEFEND, Page 77]

"ANY IMAGE OF ST. GENESIUS. If you see this saint on a home or office wall, be on high alert. He is the patron saint of clowns, and his presence signals that you're within slit's reach of a crazy joker. [Chapter 4: PROTECT, Page 111]

As the reader makes their way through this guide, they will notice the myriad of full-colored photographers littering the pages as a far warning to stay away from Circuses, Carnivals anything brightly painted building with the words FUN HOUSE painted on the outside.

LONG LIVE THE RED NOSE ALERT!

Mors est nebulo

For more information on When Clowns Attack: A Guide to the Scariest People on Earth by Chuck Sambuchino, please visit his Goodreads page.

I received this book from BLOGGING FOR BOOKS for this review